Then They Begin
by zosimos
Summary: Maybe it would be better if Masayoshi ran now, now that he knew what Gotou really was, before anything more could grow between them….
1. Sept 19th

Masayoshi woke when Gotou moved, slipping out of the bed with a silent grace that he'd never seen before. He was naked - cast in silohette by the light left on over the sink - and he hesitated a moment, as if aware of Masayoshi's eyes on him, drowsy but alert.

He yawned, back sore from sleeping upright against the wall. "Moon's set?" Masayoshi asked, averting his eyes just a little as Gotou dressed. "Where are you going?"

"Need a smoke." Gotou's voice still didn't sound right, deeper and jagged, like he had swallowed a handful of rocks. He didn't look back at Masayoshi at all, his shoulders held stiff.

"I'll come-" Masayoshi started to shift on the bed, but Gotou made a noise that still sounded like a growl.

"No." There was a moment's stunned silence from Masayoshi at the sheer viciousness of his voice - and then Gotou coughed, cleared his throat a little and sounded for the first time in a while, like himself. "No, that's not a good idea."

"Why not?" Masayoshi narrowed his eyes, drawing his legs forward toward himself, resting his arms on his knees. He'd just spend the night with a wolf in his lap, he didn't see how walking outside to keep Gotou company as he smoked was a bad thing.

"Just stay there," Gotou ordered him, and when Masayoshi raised his voice in protest, Gotou ignored him and slammed the apartment door shut behind him.

* * *

Gotou walked around the apartment building, toward the trash collection area. He had waited on the other side of the door for a minute, to see if Masayoshi would storm after him - and when he didn't hear that movement, walked himself the requisite number of steps away from the door and then some.

He lit his cigarette with shaking hands, and then tilted his head back and looked at the sky. It was already quite light out - pink and red tinted along the horizon, even if the streets themselves were still dark - and yes, the moon had set. Quite a while ago, but he hadn't wanted to move when he woke, his head in Masayoshi's lap, hand warm on his neck. It was comfortable in a way he hadn't been in a long time, and that was making him strangely anxious.

There was also the fact that he came out of the change horny as hell - he always did, he'd usually rut into his hand until he'd satisfied the urge, the pent-up everything that came along with the curse - and he couldn't, not with Masayoshi right there. He could smell him still, warm and safe and comfortable, and the thought of what he'd wanted to do to him before he climbed out of the bed made the guilt twist in his belly.

(Maybe he should. Maybe it would be better if Masayoshi ran now, now that he knew what Gotou really was, before anything more could grow between them….)

Gotou inhaled angrily, and then turned and punched the brick beside him. The pain was a brief flair - his knuckle split and he almost dropped his cigarette. He stood there, breathing wildly, and thought about the fact that for the first time he'd not felt the urge to roam, how he hadn't shown the moon his face, and how remarkably unafraid Masayoshi had been, brushing his hands through Gotou's fur slowly. He had no way of knowing what if any of his faculties that Gotou retained through the change but all the same he trusted Gotou the same in that form as well as in his human one.

Of course he did. This was Masayoshi he was thinking about, and if there was one thing that described Masayoshi it was definitely "idiot."

Now that he'd had at least one cigarette he felt more human, and less like he was going to do something that they'd both regret. Gotou sighed as he tucked the pack away in his jacket pocket, and said - "are you going to lurk there the entire time?"

Masayoshi popped his head around the corner and peered at Gotou. "That's a no-smoking zone," he said accusingly.

"I'm well aware." Gotou put his hands in his pockets and looked at Masayoshi. "You're still wearing the clothes you slept in."

"I didn't bring anything else to wear," he said. "Did you smell me?"

Gotou sighed, a smile tugging at his mouth. "Let's go get breakfast," he said, and Masayoshi straightened. "You're buying."


	2. Sept 20th

"Don't come by tonight," Gotou said when they went to part ways, the morning sun bright in the sky. Masayoshi blinked, and then furrowed his brow – not quite angry, more perplexed. Gotou sighed and took out another cigarette – he'd smoked a lot of them this morning, more than usual (not that Masayoshi had spent many mornings with him, he realized) – and when he lit it he shook his head. "It's the most dangerous tonight," he said, and when Masayoshi scowled, added, "I mean it, 'yoshi. Not tonight. Promise me."

Masayoshi looked at his shoes, brow still furrowed, and finally looked up at Gotou and caught for the first time the flicker of genuine fear that was lurking behind his otherwise normal expression. "Yeah, okay," he said. "I promise. But," he added hastily, before Gotou could expound on that. "I'm coming over tomorrow."

"That's the last night of the full moon," Gotou said, clearly about to continue, and Masayoshi nodded his head.

"You said tonight's the most dangerous, so tomorrow is less, yeah?"

"It's always dangerous," Gotou said quietly, and Masayoshi took a step forward, startling him.

"More or less dangerous than you pointing a loaded gun at me?" Masayoshi asked before he could stop himself.

Gotou physically flinched and he immediately felt bad. "I never would have shot you," Gotou said, refusing to look at him now, eyes on the ground, teeth clamped firmly on the cigarette in his mouth.

"I know that, dummy," Masayoshi poked him in the shoulder. "That's why I put myself there. You won't hurt me."

Gotou closed his eyes and sighed. "You are insufferable, Masayoshi."

"I promised to take care of you, didn't I?" Masayoshi said cheerfully. His cell phone rang in his pocket, and he fished it out. "Ahh, Ishihara-san," he said, eyes flicking to Gotou's, who nodded his head. "I'll see you tomorrow, Gotou-san!"

* * *

He didn't go out that night, fearing that Masayoshi would be on patrol and looking for him. The middle night was always the worst to keep a handle on it, to keep himself himself, he felt the moon in the sky like it was calling to him. It was in his veins, all the way down to the bone, his entire body thrummed with it, with the need to run, to hunt, to kill.

He could usually satisfy the urge with a small animal of some kind, a stray cat, a raccoon – it was never truly enough but it had to be. He wasn't a monster

(But…)

He couldn't go out. Masayoshi would be out there. And Masayoshi was doing weird things to his internal equilibrium. He'd been there for a while, but there had been no crossover, no carryover from that life as weird as it was, to this, his curse – but now that those two lives were tangled together inextricably, and just the scent of Masayoshi was going to drive him mad. Smoking only dulled that sense so much.

So he paced the length and breadth of his apartment, claws clicking menacingly on the tile floor, back and forth, pent-up with so much. And when the moon set and he curled naked on the cold ground and breathed raggedly into his arm, fist tight around his cock as he tried to release that tension he realized that there was no way Masayoshi would ever be safe around him.

* * *

Two messages on his phone, when he went to look. Hers had come last night, of course – a cheerful message to keep safe and she'd talk to him later – and then one from Masayoshi, way too early in the morning, telling Gotou he'd stop by the koban when he got off work, and he was _staying the night, full stop, don't argue with me gotou-san._

Gotou caught himself smiling at the phone, and turned it over on the table.


	3. Sept 21st

"Why didn't you tell me you were on leave?" Masayoshi said accusingly when Gotou opened his front door. "Totsuka-san gave me such a look when I asked where you were!"

"Ah," Gotou said guiltily. "I thought you knew." He was on forced leave, in fact, but he didn't like thinking about what was going on, or the mandated evaluation he had to complete before they'd let him back to work. Masayoshi crossed his arms and glared, and Gotou sighed, stepping aside.

He still didn't know what Masayoshi was trying to accomplish with these gestures. So he knew now, so what? It's not like it changed anything – he was bound to the moon. "I brought dinner," Masayoshi said, holding up the plastic bag he held in one hand, and Gotou sighed.

"Not curry?"

Masayoshi's brow furrowed again, thunderclouds gathered. "Something wrong with curry?"

There wasn't particularly, but he was never hungry these night – not until after the shift, when his hunger changed to a need for something else. "Whatever you want, 'yoshi," he said absently, and padded toward the bed.

Masayoshi stood just inside the genkan, shoes still on his feet. "You don't really want me here, do you." It wasn't a question – and the answer should have been plainly obvious as well. Gotou sighed, still standing on his feet, feeling the electricity crawling under his skin as the minutes fell away.

"It's not safe," he said, and turned around.

"I don't care," Masayoshi said stubbornly, heeling his shoes off and padding across the hallway in his socks. He dropped the convenience store bag on the counter but didn't shrug off his knapsack, didn't pull off his jacket, he just crossed the room until he stood at the edge of the table, close but not too close, from Gotou. "I don't care," he repeated, and Gotou looked away.

"I'll hurt you," Gotou said quietly. "I've hurt people, Masayoshi, I don't want to hurt you too."

"You've," Masayoshi said softly, and Gotou's head snapped up.

"I've not killed anyone," he said hastily, sensing the new fear in Masayoshi's voice. His eyes snapped to Masayoshi's, and even now a few hours before the moon would rise into a twilight sky his eyes had gone strange, not-quite-human – always the first thing to change and the last to revert. He saw Masayoshi flinch, ever so slightly, and swallowed hard. "I've not," he added, because Masayoshi had no cause to believe him.

"Then you don't need to worry about me," Masayoshi said stubbornly.

Gotou sighed heavily, and sat down on the edge of his bed. He rubbed a hand back through his hair, and glanced up at the clock. "You should make dinner, if you want to eat," he said firmly, and Masayoshi stared at him, one hand still tight on the strap of his bag.

"Okay," Masayoshi said, and turned back to the kitchen.

* * *

They sat at his table, the television on – it could be any other night, Masayoshi tucking into a plate of curry while a rerun of some tokusatsu programming was on – but it wasn't. He could feel Masayoshi's eyes, staring at him when he thought Gotou wouldn't catch him, although there wasn't so much worry as it was straight curiosity. He'd never asked.

Gotou sighed, his back to the bed. "Three questions," he said finally, although Masayoshi hadn't spoken.

Masayoshi stared at him. "Three?" he said.

"I'll answer three questions," Gotou said. "If it'll get you to stop looking at me like that."

Masayoshi looked over at Gotou's untouched plate of curry, and then back to his face. "You really haven't killed anyone?" he asked cautiously.

"No one human," Gotou said, staring at the television. "That I know about."

"Good," Masayoshi said, sounding relieved.

"You didn't believe me the first time?" Gotou asked, and Masayoshi poked his remaining food with his spoon.

"It's not that I didn't believe you, Gotou-san," he said, and hesitated.

"It's changed the way you feel about me," Gotou said, and Masayoshi started, and looked up at him. He snorted and looked away again. "This is why you're an idiot, you know."

"It hasn't changed anything," Masayoshi said obstinately. "I love you the same, Gotou-san – there's just more about you I need to learn, now!"

"What would you have done if I said that yes, I had killed someone?" Gotou challenged him, sitting forward, eyes narrowed. Masayoshi flinched again, and Gotou let out a low, exasperated sigh. "You're afraid of me."

"I am not," Masayoshi said indignantly, immediately.

"Then what would you have done?"

"You're being mean!" Masayoshi said. "You're being aggressive because you're afraid that I'll hate you but you want me to hate you anyway!" He slammed his spoon down on the plate and leaned forward, hands on the table. "It's just like that time when-"

"Don't say this is like a tokusatsu plot, Masayoshi!" Gotou yelled suddenly, and this time, Masayoshi did not flinch.

"I don't hate you," Masayoshi said, filling the sudden silence. "I can't hate you, Gotou-san." He sat back on his knees and lowered his head, staring at his plate. "I don't know what I'd do if you had killed someone, but it wouldn't change my feelings for you."

"How can you be so sure?" Gotou said finally.

"Because I love you," Masayoshi said it so casually, and the words slid like a heated blade between his ribs.

They hadn't talked about that, either, about how Masayoshi was just confused, he had to be confused about it because if he wasn't, how was Gotou meant to deal with it?

"Masayoshi," Gotou said, about to open that can of worms when Masayoshi held up two fingers.

"I get two more questions, you said," he said insistently. Gotou sighed, and nodded his head. "What have you killed then, if not people?"

Gotou blinked, a little surprised. He had expected Masayoshi to go for a bigger question than that. "Small animals, mostly," he said. "I try not to get pets but I'm not always in my right mind-" he scowled at Masayoshi's expression. "You asked, 'yoshi-"

"Do you eat them?" Masayoshi's eyes were wide.

"Usually." Gotou rubbed a hand over his mouth. "When I'm – when I'm like that I get so hungry, and it's not for anything you can buy in a conbini, believe me I've tried. But I'd never hurt a person. No one misses a few stray cats here and there." He exhaled. "I got a deer once, before I moved here."

"Gotou-san, that requires a hunting license."

Gotou stared at Masayoshi. He leaned forward and said, very calmly, "you don't require a wolf to register for a hunting license, Masayoshi."

Masayoshi stared right back at him, and parroted Gotou's words from weeks ago. "There haven't been wolves in Japan for a hundred years, Gotou-san."

He narrowed his eyes at Masayoshi. "You're making fun of me."

"I still get one more question."

"Nope." Gotou held up his fingers. "You asked if I ate them too, that's three."

"What!" Masayoshi crossed his arms. "That's not fair."

The smile quirked across his face before he could stop it. "Maybe next month I'll let you ask more," he said, as he felt pinpricks begin, under his skin – he glanced up at the clock once more, then sat forward, reaching over his back to pull his shirt off. "Don't want to ruin my clothes," he grunted, and surged to his feet, staggering just a little as he headed for the bathroom, to dump them in the hamper before it was too late.

Masayoshi got to his feet and walked both plates of curry into the kitchen area, rinsing the plates in the sink. He waited until he heard impatient clawing at the bathroom door and then he opened it, letting the sleek black animal loose. "You forgot you can't do doorknobs," Masayoshi accused, and the wolf snorted, before hopping up on the bed and turning a circle, settling down in the mess of covers. Masayoshi glanced in the bathroom, saw that his clothes had at least made it into the hamper, and returned to rinsing the dishes.

"Dangerous," he said softly to himself, as the wolf flicked his ears.


	4. Oct 18th

"Where are you going?" Gotou asked as Masayoshi busily shuffled around the apartment, locating half the things he'd dumped out of his knapsack the night before. Gotou himself was laying on his stomach on his bed, magazine opened before him.

"Work," Masayoshi said unhappily. "Ishihara-san scheduled meetings for me tonight with, um-" he thought about it for a moment, and sighed deeply. "Politicians."

"And you're going looking like that?" Gotou asked, chin in hand.

Masayoshi looked down at his sweatshirt and jeans, and back up at Gotou, brow furrowed in confusion. "Ishihara-san has people," he said airily. "Most of my clothes got destroyed, remember?"

"Don't remind me." Gotou glanced back down at his magazine, then up at the clock. "I'll walk you part of the way." He sat up and stretched, arching his back as he did so.

"Tonight? But..." Masayoshi looked at the clock as well, concerned.

"It'll be fine," Gotou said, rubbing his own shoulder.

"But what about – your clothes?" Masayoshi stage-whispered, as if anyone else was lurking in the dark corners of Gotou's apartment. Gotou snorted as he got up on his feet, tossing the magazine on the table.

"How long do you think I've been doing this, 'yoshi?"

"I don't know," Masayoshi said sharply. "You won't tell me."

Gotou hesitated, but only for a second. Then he shook his head sharply once as if to clear it, and walked past Masayoshi into the bathroom. Masayoshi sighed as he heard the water start to run, and then ran a hand back through his hair.

* * *

The sun was just starting to set as they left the apartment. "You've got your key," Gotou confirmed for the third time – Masayoshi rolled his eyes and said again, "Yes, Gotou-san. I haven't forgotten it."

Which, to be fair to Gotou he had forgotten it numerous times and had only been rescued by the fact that Gotou was on leave. "Do you want me to prove it?" Masayoshi asked, fishing one hand in his knapsack. Gotou stopped him by holding out his own key. "I'd feel safer if you took this one, too." He hesitated and then stuck his hand in his pocket. "And my wallet, too."

"Had your wallet stolen often?" Masayoshi asked, and Gotou looked at him, eyebrow raised, humoring him.

"Is that one of your three?" he asked, and Masayoshi ducked his head and groaned.

"Does it have to be?" He'd asked questions throughout the month, small ones here and there hoping to dig more into the foundation that made Gotou Gotou, but Gotou was apparently too savvy for that. Mostly.

They waited for the light to change at the intersection before crossing – Gotou had put on sunglasses even though the daylight had mostly faded, in part to hide the gold color that now tinged his eyes. "Nah," he said. "I won't count it. Just a few times; I've almost always gotten my clothes back."

"Do you want me to take your clothes, too?" Masayoshi asked, and Gotou shook his head.

"You don't intend to come back tonight," Masayoshi said quietly, and Gotou didn't react to his words, looking instead at the sky. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one, and Masayoshi shoved him in the shoulder.

"Gotou-san!"

"I don't care if it's a no-smoking zone, I need it," Gotou said and ignored the angry huff that came from Masayoshi.

"I'm gonna sleep in your bed if you're not coming home," Masayoshi threatened, and Gotou shrugged loosely. He didn't take the cigarette out of his mouth.

"Suit yourself."

Masayoshi sputtered a little, and Gotou took a step away, separating his personal space from Masayoshi's. "Speaking of which, I've got to go," he said. He hesitated, putting out the cigarette he had just started to smoke. "I'll … try to be back before dawn, but no promises, okay?"

"Okay," Masayoshi said sullenly. Gotou quirked a smile, still hesitating, as if thinking about something else he should do before they parted company, but changed his mind, ducking his head and heading off down the sidewalk at a hurried pace. Masayoshi lingered through the light cycle, watching Gotou disappear into the pedestrian crowd, his heart and his stomach both sour.

* * *

The apartment was dark and cold when he returned late that night, the chill heavy in the late October air. Masayoshi unlocked the door (using Gotou's key, he would not admit that no, he couldn't find his in his knapsack and he was going to empty it out and look for it, because he treasured that damn key and the meaning behind it) and then set Gotou's wallet and keys on the counter, next to his phone.

Masayoshi's hand hesitated, then he picked up the dark phone.

Gotou didn't seem to be mailing as much any more – he did still do it, but not with the frequency that he had. He'd also stopped talking about her entirely, now that the secret was out, but Masayoshi knew he still did. And he was curious. But this was a huge breach of trust to do it, and he wavered several moments before touching the screen, to light up the menu.

The phone had a lock screen. Masayoshi sighed, relieved, and set the phone down – then immediately felt guilty he had intended to snoop. Gotou was holding a lot back from him, though – he wanted to know so much about him, about his curse, about his girlfriend – all of it. The good and the bad.

He wandered into the main room of the apartment. It was weird being here without Gotou. Since he was on leave (paid, medical technically, although they were requiring him to do a full mental evaluation before they'd allow him back on regular duty) he was almost always home whenever Masayoshi got in. He smiled a lot more easily now, Masayoshi had noticed, although that first week after he'd moved his three duffle bags worth of belongings in and made a nest in the closet had been ... difficult.

He flopped onto the bed, and buried his face in the pillow. It smelled like Gotou, when Gotou allowed him to be close, when he would let Masayoshi slide under his arm so they could watch television side by side, curled under the same blanket. Masayoshi closed his eyes and thought, _please let me in, Gotou-san._

_Please._

As he drowsed off, wrapped in the blankets that smelled just like the man he loved, he thought he heard the faintest keening of a howl in the distance.


	5. Oct 19th

The bed shifted. Masayoshi drowsily lifted his head as he felt the mattress move, and when he squinted open his eyes it was to Gotou, leaning over him, hands on either side of his shoulders.

"What," Gotou asked, "are you doing in my bed?"

Masayoshi stared up at him. Gotou's hair was spiked funny, like he'd slept as well – the room was lit by daylight, he'd forgotten to set his alarm again. He reached up and gently touched Gotou's face – and Gotou flinched back, just slightly.

"Don't," he said gruffly, and moved away, his shadow and presence shifting away from Masayoshi as he sat on the edge of the mattress, back to him. Masayoshi himself sat up, tangled still in the covers and wearing the clothes he'd worn last night.

"Gotou-san," Masayoshi said, and yawned. He rubbed his eye and squinted at the clock on the wall behind the bed. "How long have you been back? Your eyes are normal."

Gotou fished a cigarette out and then patted his pockets, looking for a lighter. Masayoshi surged forward and pressed himself against Gotou's back, arms over his shoulders, and he felt Gotou go completely still.

"Don't smoke indoors, Gotou-san," he said indignantly.

"Masayoshi," Gotou said, his tone uneven. He sat forward and tried to disengage, but Masayoshi had perfected his limpet impersonation and he wasn't going anywhere. "Don't – seriously, not right now, I can't-"

"Can't what?" Masayoshi said, still sleepy. He sat his chin on his arm, still draped over Gotou's shoulder.

Gotou let out a snarl – Masayoshi started, but then Gotou moved, quicker than Masayoshi had anticipated. He ended up flat on his back in the tangle of covers, Gotou straddling him, hands pinning Masayoshi's wrists to the bed beside his head. Gotou lowered his head, so his face was too-close to Masayoshi's, and his eyes were – not like they were when he was still in the transition, but they were definitely not normal – he exhaled a noise that wasn't quite a growl.

"Don't," he said, his voice gone to gravel.

Masayoshi's eyes had gone wide – there was a spark of fear behind them, now, chest rising and falling rapidly, his breath rattling about in his lungs like he'd run a marathon.

Gotou's face lowered just a hair more, his nose brushed Masayoshi's – and then he was gone, up and off the bed. Masayoshi sat up on his elbows as bathroom door slammed violently – and then when the water started running he dropped onto his back again and covered his mouth with one hand, eyes still wide.

What was _that?_

* * *

Gotou locked the bathroom door behind him. He turned the sink on and stared at himself in the mirror for a long moment, before putting his back to the bathroom door and sliding down into a seated position. He'd almost, just-

He put his hands on either side of his head, elbows on his knees, and tried unsuccessfully to will away the erection. The entire apartment stank like Masayoshi now – his bed wasn't exactly a refuge, but the sight of Masayoshi sleep-addled and drowsy in his bed... that was just unfair.

The water from the faucet would disguise the noise, but he still hesitated to touch himself. Masayoshi was just out there, he could smell him getting stronger, he'd gotten out of bed and was standing outside the door to the bathroom. Gotou closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door, imagining Masayoshi standing on the other side, debating whether or not to knock.

In the end, he didn't knock.

Masayoshi's scent grew lesser. He'd walked away. Gotou rubbed his hand over his crotch, pressing firmly, and then hauled himself up, turned the sink off and started to strip. He'd take care of this, then he'd shower, and he'd feel as close to normal as he did during this time of the month, at least.

* * *

When he emerged, finally – it was to an empty apartment. Gotou's stomach dropped, until he saw a note sitting on the counter by his dark phone. -_Went for a run. I'll bring back breakfast!_

Gotou took his phone back to the bed – Masayoshi had made it, but – his scent was strong. Gotou pulled his cigarettes out again and this time lit one, sitting with his back to the wall. Tonight was going to be worse, he barely had a handle on things now. And he couldn't focus when Masayoshi looked at him like that, through half-closed eyes with tousled hair, smelling like warmth and sunshine... he tilted his head back against the wall. Dammit, he shouldn't be hard again, he usually only had to get off once after he changed back.

He knew letting Masayoshi move in with him was a bad idea, but he'd still opened his stupid mouth when Masayoshi had been griping about the hotel, how impersonal it was – he'd said, like a dumbass, "well, why don't you stay with me until you find a new place?" When Masayoshi had lit up like a neon sign Gotou remembered that yes, several beers did impair his judgment in very tragic ways, and where exactly was he going to putMasayoshi?

In the closet, it turned out, where Masayoshi made a nest for himself on the shelf Mari lived on for a few weeks, months ago, and … well, he hadn't had a problem up until today.

Gotou inhaled the smoke, felt it burn in his lungs – it only masked the scents, at least until after the full moon – but it was enough. He exhaled, slowly, and watched the smoke rise through the sunlight that crept through the blinds.

Masayoshi unlocked the door and paused in the genkan, wearing his running pants and a tee shirt. "You're not supposed to smoke inside!" he said, latching the apartment door behind him. "Gotou-san, that's bad for your health!"

"You're bad for my health," Gotou said.

Masayoshi tossed him a cold can of coffee as he entered the room. Gotou caught it and looked at it. "This is breakfast?" he said, and Masayoshi put his hands on his hips and stared at him.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"We're doing the questions now?" Gotou responded, putting out his cigarette.

"No," Masayoshi said. "This isn't about – that, and you know it."

"It is," Gotou said quietly, and looked at the coffee can. "I told you, you're not safe around me when I'm like this."

"Bullshit," Masayoshi said, and Gotou's head snapped up, surprised. "If I wasn't, something would have happened."

"Something just happened," Gotou said, hackles rising.

"Gotou-san," Masayoshi said patiently. "That's called foreplay."

Gotou turned a solid shade of pink. "That's – no it's not, Masayoshi don't make fun-" Pink slid into red. "How do you even know-"

"I'm inexperienced, I'm not stupid." Masayoshi looked away, in the direction of the television, and Gotou had the unsettling mental image that all of Masayoshi's ideas of romance probably came from the shows he consumed.

"Yes, you are," Gotou said, and Masayoshi's head snapped back to him.

"You're mean," Masayoshi said. He walked to the bed, put a knee on the mattress and Gotou stiffened. "I know you like me, Gotou-san, why are you so stubborn about this?"

"Because," Gotou said. "You will get hurt." He looked away. "And you're conflating my moon-lust with other things."

"It's more than that." Kneeling on the mattress now, in front of him – sweat drying on his skin still from the run, eyes determined like he always was, and Gotou felt like he had swallowed something that burned in his throat. Masayoshi touched his face gently, and he had nowhere to go, his back to the wall. "Isn't it?"

It was Masayoshi who kissed him, gentle and soft – and Gotou let him, eyes closed. He was inexperienced, yes, he hesitated before he withdrew and Gotou seized that opportunity, surged forward and kissed him again. Masayoshi put his arms over Gotou's shoulders, sitting on his knees between Gotou's legs, and they kept kissing, desperate and needy, teeth clacking together upon occasion.

"Masayoshi," Gotou groaned when he ducked back just slightly, breathing hard, face red. "We – we can't-"

"If you say it's dangerous one more time," Masayoshi heaved, brow furrowed.

"Yes, but not-" Gotou took a deep gulp of air, tried to quell the feeling surging inside. "It's the moon-lust, okay? We have to wait until after-"

"You're not going to hurt me, Gotou-san."

"Yes, I am," Gotou said, hands on Masayoshi's face. "I hurt myself, sometimes, this isn't me worrying about you because of something I think will happen, I know it will – you're tearing my self-control to shreds by just existing, you know?"

Masayoshi tilted his head in. "I'm not afraid."

"I know," Gotou said. "But I am."


	6. Oct 20th

Gotou raised his head a split second before the door unlocked. He'd been sitting at the low table, his laptop open as he scrolled through a forum board trying to combat his boredom until Masayoshi and his irregular schedule came home – but as the door opened Gotou wrinkled his nose and scowled. "What the hell is that?" he asked as Masayoshi shuffled in, looking tired. "Why do you smell like – is that bubblegum?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Masayoshi said wearily.

"You stink."

"Thank you," he said dryly, hanging his coat and brushing the fine mist from his hair. It had been precipitating throughout the day, cloudy and gray – a proper chilly late autumn landscape. "It's getting even colder out, do you think it'll snow soon?"

"Nah." Gotou closed his laptop. "It's still too warm in the atmosphere, when it gets ready to snow there's this sharpness in the air-" he looked up to see Masayoshi staring at him, a large grin on his face, and Gotou scowled. "You're making fun of me again," he said crossly.

"I'm not, it's cool!" Masayoshi hummed a little visible through the doorway in the kitchen area. "My boyfriend has superpowers."

"It's not – don't call it that," Gotou said, hauling himself to his feet. "And I'm not your boyfriend."

Masayoshi paused, and took a step back so he could make eye contact with Gotou. "You're not?" He looked genuinely confused, and a bit concerned – Gotou sighed as he put the computer up.

"We're – I don't think we're there yet, 'yoshi."

"So when do I get to call you my boyfriend?" Masayoshi stood in the doorway, a packet of instant curry in his hands. "Do I have to wait until we've had sex, or-?"

The only reason the laptop didn't get dropped was because Gotou had just set it down. Of course he'd thought about it, it was hard not to when every time he was jerking himself off all he could think about was Masayoshi – but actually taking that step was a different matter. "I'm not ready for that," he said instead, and Masayoshi nodded his head.

"You're still my boyfriend, though," he said, and Gotou sighed, a deeply exasperated noise.

"Fine, Masayoshi."

Masayoshi lit up, grinning again.

* * *

"Are you going to stay in tonight?" Masayoshi asked, eating hungrily. Gotou picked at his plate this time, clearly making an effort but not all that hungry. "It's supposed to rain the rest of the night. That can't be pleasant."

"It doesn't bother me," Gotou said. "Cold doesn't really either, it's kind of nice."

"Mm," Masayoshi said. "I bet it's fun."

There was something speculative about Masayoshi's words that chilled Gotou to the bone. "It's not. It's really not."

Masayoshi pushed some of his curry around on the plate, chasing bits with his spoon. "Why not?"

"That's one," Gotou said softly, and Masayoshi looked up while chewing. "You don't know, it's like – every time I'm afraid I'm not going to wake up until morning, that I'm going to wake up in a pile of viscera and blood and only know that I've hurt someone." He put his spoon down, what little remained of his appetite was gone.

"You haven't, though." Masayoshi said.

Gotou was silent, staring at his plate.

"Gotou-san?" Masayoshi asked tentatively, his own spoon left overturned.

"Sorry," Gotou said, and got to his feet, plate in his hands. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"You are gonna stay in tonight though, right?" Masayoshi asked as he watched Gotou walk through the door that divided the apartment. "I mean, the apartment'll smell like wet dog otherwise."

There was a moment's pause, and then Gotou leaned through the divider. "Oi."

"Well, it would."

"I am not a dog."

"Okay, then it will be wet-wolf smell, and I bet that's all but indistinguishable from wet-dog smell."

"You smell like bubblegum, you don't have any room to talk right now." Gotou disappeared back into the kitchen to rinse his plate.

"I do not. I've had like three showers." Masayoshi sniffed his arm just in case.

"What the hell happened, anyway?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Masayoshi said grimly, and he heard Gotou snicker.

Masayoshi picked his spoon back up and resumed eating thoughtfully. They fell into comfortable silences now and again – and the fact that Gotou had laughed, even a little, made Masayoshi just a bit content. He looked up when Gotou walked back in the room, and he sat down on the edge of the bed and scratched the back of his neck.

"I still have two questions," Masayoshi reminded him, and Gotou let out a large sigh.

"Yeah, okay," he said.

"Do you know any other werewolves?" Masayoshi asked, and Gotou blinked. He raised his head and squinted, and Masayoshi didn't think it was that difficult a question to answer. "Or have you encountered any others?" he tacked on, hoping for an elaboration.

"I've run across a couple," Gotou said. "But I didn't know any of them."

"They weren't friendly?" Masayoshi asked.

"No," Gotou said.

"Huh. If I was a werewolf I'd try to find a whole bunch of other werewolves so we could be friends," Masayoshi said, and Gotou sighed again, but it was tinged with amusement.

"That's not how it works," he said. "That's not really how any of this works. It's a nice thought, though."

"How does it work, then?"

"Ah," Gotou said, and held up three fingers. "You've already asked three."

"I have not!"

"You have." Gotou ticked them off. "The one about it being fun, the one about knowing other wolves, and whether or not they're friendly."

"Oh." Masayoshi puffed out his cheeks. "Why won't you answer more than that?"

"Maybe later," Gotou said, and rubbed his hand over the bridge of his nose. "Not tonight." When he lifted his hand, Masayoshi could see the change in his eyes, small but significant.

"Put your clothes in the hamper," Masayoshi reminded him, and Gotou said, slightly offended, "I'm not getting naked now, Masayoshi!"

Masayoshi made a disappointed noise, and grinned when Gotou turned the slightest bit pink.

* * *

Later, when Masayoshi was sitting with his back against the bed, flipping through the channels looking for something to watch, he remarked idly, "Mari threw a bottle of some perfume or something at me thinking I'd catch it."

He felt the bed shift behind him, and he didn't have to turn around to look to know that the wolf – Gotou, it's still Gotou – had lifted his head, ears up. "It hit me in the head," Masayoshi said, touching his hand to the top of his head - and managed not to jump when he felt Gotou's breath against his hair. There was the brief brush of a wet nose and then and amused snuffling noise, before the wolf settled back on the bed – and now, when Masayoshi looked behind him, he was curled so he could see the television.

Gotou's eye flicked over to him, golden and framed in dark fur – and there really wasn't a word for the emotion that settled over Masayoshi right then.

He swallowed, and turned back around.


End file.
